I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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