batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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