I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize