I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
