A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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