you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
