I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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