Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
