I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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