The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
