also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
