I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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