I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
