For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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