Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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