There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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