He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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