We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Four minutes until I can fart!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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