Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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