Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
