I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
