you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize