Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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