I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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