lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
