I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
