i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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