i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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