i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
