I'm going to jail i love you
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
