Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
