I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
