You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
