i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
