The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
