Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize