You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
