He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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