on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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