And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We had sex on a dog bed..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
