i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
