Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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