i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
