i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
