Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
