Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
