I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
