Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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