ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
