i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize