normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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