and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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