guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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