he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
