I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
