im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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