I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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