I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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