Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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