Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The best revenge is premature balding
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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