i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
