i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
