Where is the hickey?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
