did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
