"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You smell like stripper and shame
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
