see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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