Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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