I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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