I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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