You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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