I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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