she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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