wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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