We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
