There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
